October 2012
1 post
http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/08/le... →
Dear Random House: I, too, am an upper middle-class white Oberlin grad who is available to write hilarious, touching long-form essays about cupcakes, Skrillex, and queefing during sex. Please forward your $3.5 million to elisabeth.j.dickson@iamasadandbrokegraduatestudent.edu.
August 2012
1 post
May 2012
1 post
When Pat Kiernan follows you on Twitter.
wheninnewyorkcity:
October 2011
1 post
6 tags
September 2011
1 post
How Zooey Deschanel (Almost) Ruined My Sex Life
Wassup, yo? I wrote this. It’s on Nerve.com. SO CHEKKIT.
http://www.nerve.com/entertainment/zooey-deshanel
July 2011
1 post
The Tsoris of Amy Winehouse: Remembering the...
Like most wired twenty-somethings, I found out that “Rehab” singer Amy Winehouse had died when I logged onto my Twitter account Saturday afternoon. “Ripamy” and “shouldagonetorehab” were trending, and celebrities like Sarah Silverman were posting photos of themselves with beehives, their eye makeup artfully smeared to the temples. I then spent the rest of the afternoon in bed watching YouTube...
March 2011
1 post
3 tags
I Write Things Sometimes.
Sometimes, I write things. About. Things.
Like this thing, on M.I.A. and Lady Gaga, from this thing a few things ago:
http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/22890/m-i-a-rips-lady-gaga-a-new-one-in-new-interview/
It’s, like…kind of a thing.
M.IA. Rips Lady Gaga a New One in Interview
It sounds like a joke your racist grandpa tells when he’s had a few too many glasses of ‘schewitz at...
May 2010
1 post
5 tags
The Jedward Paradox: Or, Things That I Wish I Had...
When you’re preparing to visit another country for the first time, you come equipped with a very basic kind of knowledge, a knowledge that you feel will be sufficient enough to prepare you for the inevitable culture shock that will ensue. You know about the language, the currency, the customs, that ‘crisps’ means ‘chips’ and ‘gaff’ means...
April 2010
1 post
4 tags
The Return of the Jew-di (WORDPLAY!) And,...
i saw this pony at midnight, on an island with a population of 150 people. consequently, i’m 96% sure that this pony is actually a ghost.
I’m back, derogatory term for women in the plural form that equates human women with female canines and generally denotes a lack of respect! (I’m making an effort to clean up my language, because apparently my grandma is reading this, guys....
March 2010
3 posts
3 tags
on health care, earl woods and 7 beatles covers...
Whatevs, Evan Rachel Wood. Hooking up with Alexander Skarsgaard doesn’t give you the right to take a giant dump on “Blackbird.” Idiot.
Today, I had to do the following things:
1) Clean my kitchen. Water bugs have overtaken my eating space and I will not stand for this nonsense any longer. There are scones to be baked and leftover carbonara to be consumed and these spindly...
I Hate St. Patrick's Day: the luck of the Irish...
“But why?” you might ask. “As a 21-year old college student/self-proclaimed degenerate, wouldn’t you be thrilled to be spending St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland? Don’t you love everything that St. Patrick’s Day stands for, such as excessive drinking, public urination, and gang rape committed by men dressed as leprechauns? Don’t you love that it’s...
3 tags
this lady is a major g. →
February 2010
9 posts
4 tags
Who's the Boss: an impassioned plea to whoever's...
note: I saved the above image on my computer as “do me.jpg.”
It is 3:00 in the afternoon. I am (ostensibly) supposed to be working on the treatment for my play, which was due three days ago. I am (ostensibly) supposed to be out of my pajamas by now. I am (ostensibly) supposed to be cleaning up the mess I made from making beef tacos for lunch (which were abominable and made me...
4 tags
Chicken piccata! And, 3 fights I had at Doyle's
it actually looked like this!! i swear!!!
Listening to a lot of Dylan and Zep lately. “The Ocean” is a perfect song. I’m starting to truly believe that all decent music was made before 1985, with the obvious exception of “Party in the USA.” My unabashed love for that song could serve as a metaphor for any feelings of homesickness or cultural alienation I’ve...
5 tags
London v. New York: You're Goddamn Right I'm...
(note: the above dinosaur is a diplodacus. do not let its awesome name fool you. it, and the museum in which it resides, SUCKS.)
Last Friday, I took a break from my strenuous life in Dublin (a life that primarily involves kicking my washer-dryer, calling it a cunt and eating a bag of Toffeepops between cycles) and flew into London to visit the Ferla in his natural habitat. Although I was only...
5 tags
Big Bear's "Doin' Thangs" (1998): Formal Analysis
The cover of the album Doin’ Thangs (1998), the debut record by the hip-hop artist Big Bear, depicts the rapper in half-length behind a table, while four anthropomorphic grizzly bears in smoking jackets flank him on both sides. From behind a bucket of spirits and a cornucopia of brightly-hued produce, Big Bear tugs at the lapel of his crimson smoking jacket with his right hand, the gesture...
2 tags
The most brilliant thing ever written about Led...
http://tuesdaysonthephone.blogspot.com/2007/10/chuck-klosterman-on-led-zeppelin.html
The Country's Fooked: Notes on THE RECESSION (TM)
There’s a theory (most often espoused by bearded creative writing professors) that comedy is inextricably linked to tragedy; that the most successful comedic moments stem from a place of extreme suffering, and that we tend to laugh at the misfortunes of others because we are deeply self-conscious about the folly of our own meaningless existence. As a member of a faith that is as renowned...
5 tags
wine is a terrible thing to waste
After downing one too many glasses of 6 euro wine before an art gallery opening (I think the exhibit was about how to cram as many drunk people in high heels on a slippery terrace without getting sued for malpractice), I have confined myself to my bed to think about what I have done (namely, passing out on the bathroom floor and sending my mother happy birthday texts). I have also taken it upon...
4 tags
"Like 'Hairspray,' but darker" - Notes on...
The other night, I saw ‘Precious’ at the Irish Film Institute in Temple Bar. Seeing ‘Precious’ was a long time coming for me; after reading the book and experiencing the slow destruction of my psyche through multiple viewings of the trailer (if you haven’t seen it yet, do. It makes you feel like your soul is slowly sinking into your asshole and you will never be...
3 tags
Down and Out in Dublin: or, how I am similar to...
Last week, my wallet was stolen at a bar. This information probably doesn’t surprise anyone who knows me well; I have a real gift for losing important shit. The loss of my wallet is also unsurprising in light of the fact that I’m a visitor to a foreign city; anyone who has seen a Japanese person in Times Square ask for directions to the M&Ms Store INSIDE OF THE M&MS STORE can...
January 2010
4 posts
evoking the spirit of daniel o'connell through the...
it has been one week.
one week since i crossed the atlantic in a giant metal bird where i sat through 2 consecutive showings of that stupid fucking zooey deschanel movie to end up in a country that does not allow you to watch “law and order: svu” on netflix.
one week since i moved into an apartment that features a broken washer/dyer, absolutely no closet space and a fabulous view...
the pipes, the pipes are calling
In 14 hours, I will be reading “US Weekly” and finishing the remainder of a Cinnabon on a Boeing 747 to Ireland, a country that I know nothing about and have heretofore only seen in quirky romantic comedies. I will be traveling there ostensibly to study writing, a discipline I also know next to nothing about and have heretofore only seen in quirky romantic comedies. Upon arrival, I...
